


Planeswalkers of Moperville

by Zee_McZed



Category: El Goonish Shive, Magic: The Gathering
Genre: Adventure, Confusion, F/F, F/M, Improbable sparking, M/M, Magic, Multi, Snark and adventure, The basic epic fantasy stuff, Violence, you know
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-24
Updated: 2017-05-23
Packaged: 2018-09-11 19:15:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9004996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zee_McZed/pseuds/Zee_McZed
Summary: The dam broke. Things were not as expected. And a group of teenagers used to a much lower level of magic are thrown across the Blind Eternities... their sparks awakened. Are they doomed? Eh, probably, but with this crew, who can tell?Alternate title: "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Blind Eternities (Or How Sarah Brown Finally Became The Wizard Sarah)"





	1. Shuffle and deal

The sound was like death come to roost. A horrible, pestilent, baleful peal that ripped through the sky and left nothing in its wake. When it was done, all Moperville was quiet for a few minutes as people stared upwards. They did not know what had happened. With any luck, they never would.

Magic is not something that the average mind is perfectly equipped to ponder.

-o-

Sarah Brown groaned. She struggled to sit up. Her muscles didn’t want to listen to her. It felt like she’d gone ten rounds with Muhammad Ali in his prime, and when she stared down at herself, it was clear that physically that wasn’t far off. She was bruised all over, and she couldn’t see out of one eye. No bleeding, at least. Didn’t feel like she had any – no, one broken bone. The middle finger on her left hand. She staggered to her feet, squinting as she looked around.

She had absolutely no idea where she was.

The dam had broken, as it was supposed to. The flow of magic was supposed to be normalized.

But it wasn’t, was it? There had been… something. She remembered something rushing at them from where the dam had been. Something dark, something shapeless. Something terrible.

She’d fought it.

They all had.

It had only lasted an instant, but she’d done something to strike at it, and now -

“Sarah?” The voice was croaky and soft. She swiveled.

“Susan? Ohmygod, you’re okay?” She rushed over as fast as her stiff, aching limbs could manage, kneeling next to her best friend. She was in… better shape. A little. Still badly battered, and her clothing was ripped in odd places Diane was sprawled across her midsection, still groaning, clutching her head.

“Okay is relative. I am alive.”

“So am I, thanks for asking.” Diane hissed, clearly feeling more than a little irritated. “What happened?”

“I… have no idea.” Sarah scratched her head.

“None of us do.” Susan helped Diane up as best as she could. It was not a graceful movement. “We’re used to magic, but that was a new level of bizarre.”

“We were attacked by something out of Lovecraft. I’d say that’s a new level of bizarre for most people.” Sarah shrugged. “Do you remember what happened after that?”

“I… no.” Susan grimaced. “I attacked it.”

“Yeah, so did I. I think I… punched it? But I was glowing...” Diane muttered.

“And it was trying to hit you, but it was just bending around you-” Susan pointed at Sarah, who rubbed her arm idly.

“Weird.”

“Intensely.”

“That describes most encounters with Eldrazi.” The voice behind them made all three girls jump a little. The figure that stepped out was tall. Elegant. Long haired and fair, with distinctive pointed ears. “...Sarah.”

“Box?!”

“THIS is Box?!” Susan blurted.

“Pandora Chaos Raven. Box to certain individuals that I like.” Susan pulled back a little.

“That explains too much. Besides how you recognized her like this-”

“The voice. It’s not that different.” She took a step towards the immortal – who was not uninjured herself. Broken bones at the least. Likely a severe concussion. Diane let out a low whistle.

“You look like shit. And this is coming from someone that’s concussed.”

“I would normally slap you senseless for that, but you’ve gained and lost a lifetime’s worth of mana in one second, so I’m going to let it slide.”

“...A lifetime’s worth of power and influence?” Susan arched an eyebrow. Sarah blinked.

“I thought it just meant ‘magic power’.”

“In Polynesian cultures-”

“Both are correct.” Pandora sat down next to the trio, legs crossed, and took stock of their surroundings. Blasted waste in every direction. The shattered temple they were against was the only thing for miles… they’d have to move quickly before the sun came up. “It’s an ephemeral force. Something from the land, something that dwells in living beings… it’s hard to explain, because it works a little differently in different places. But when the dam broke? You got flooded with it, and – congratulations, at least one of you awakened.”

“Wh – who?” Susan patted Sarah’s back from her seated position.

“Either of you would be a great boon. If there’s two of us-”

“A different kind of awakening.”

“...za?” Diane mumbled. Susan snickered.

“You have been watching our show.”

“Doy. But Susan already had her awakening! With that Jerry guy, right?”

“...I did, yes.” Pandora shook her head slowly.

“There are levels of awakening. What Susan encountered was the magic equivalent of slapping the alarm and staggering out of bed, still in a lucid dream.”

“And now?”

“At least one of you – likely no more than that, it’s fairly rare – has had the equivalent of having your third eye torn open physically, the five dimensions laid bare in front of you, and every illusion shredded.”

“...the equivalent of that?” Sarah deadpanned.

“Oh yeah. It’s even better.” Pandora smirked. “You sparked. In that one second, Moperville gained a Planeswalker.”

“Planes- huh?!” Diane’s eyes widened. “Shut up. Shut the fuck up. Are you telling me that I might have become a world-hopping punch wizard!?” She stared down at her hands. “And I literally punched a tentacle thing with magic?” Sarah and Susan both stared at her a second. She knows what that word means. Hee. Dork. The thought was not verbatim how Susan processed it, but it was certainly close.

“Mostly. I can’t tell you what kind of magic you’ll get from here out, but you and your… sister?”

“As near as we can tell.” Diane nodded.

“-seem to have an innate affinity for black and white magic. Even if you’re unawakened, I can tell that.”

“Order and ambition.” Diane crossed her arms. Sarah snickered audibly. “What?!”

“I knew you were a closet geek! You’d only know that if you played-”

“So my sister dragged me into it when I was in junior high.” She snorted. Susan rolled her eyes.

“Stop getting so defensive. You should own that part of yourself, not run from it.” Diane swallowed hard. Pandora cleared her throat.

“It’s just as well if you did – it’ll give you a bit of a headstart.” She rubbed the bridge of her nose. “I’ll never know how Garfield managed to make that game without tipping people off about his origins… then again, he doesn’t have a lot of raw power, so he can fly under the proverbial radar Anyway - the analysis is pretty accurate. It looks like you could both pick up a third type over time, but you’ll have to feel out your affinity yourselves. Few manage to get four colors, but it’s been done… and five is extremely rare. And then there’s Sarah...” Pandora frowned. “And things just get peculiar.”

“Why?”

“I can’t tell if you’re the awakened one – I can hardly feel my magic at all right now. My spark feels… weak.”

“You’re-”

“Most immortals are. Don’t interrupt. I can feel something, but I can’t sense an affinity… so either your awakening is still too raw, or…” She stopped short. Straightened. “Frak.”

“What?” The three spoke almost at once.

“Incoming. Twenty… possibly thirty.” She raised her hands. Nothing happened. Pandora grunted. “I can’t cast anything. My pathways are still burned out.”

“So what do we-” The war cry tore Sarah’s attention away. The temple was being swarmed by dozens of figures. Short. Stout. Heads too large, like pumpkins with razor-toothed grins. Goblins.

“So we – we deal with-” Diane stammered, trying to get to her feet. She stumbled. Fell. She couldn’t even get upright, let alone fight. Susan was focusing, trying to get her weapons. Nothing was coming. The terror hit her hard.

But Sarah was still upright.

The motion wasn’t something she thought about. One of the ugly little creatures charged, blunt claws outstretched. She ducked. Grabbed. The rod on the ground was once a handle for some tool – what kind was anyone’s guess, too broken and worn to give any hints. But it was heavy. And when she brought it around, it connected with the thing’s oversized jaw with a satisfying CRACK. It tumbled, rolled, and was still.

The rest were not.

They descended in waves of six and seven, as the rest stood about the perimeter, hooting and jabbering in a tongue that made no sense. The more Sarah heard, the more she understood – sort of. It was all obscene, all vulgar, all strings of verbs and nouns with next to no context beyond a general ‘DESTROY THEM’ aesthetic.

She wasn’t sure how she was moving. Her body should have been shot. Gone. Useless. But as long as it was still listening to her, she wasn’t going to go down.

Not like this.

-o-

“Planeswalker?”

“You were already a seer, so it makes sense that you could be able to jump to the next level so readily. You were awakened, so it’s possible… I have no idea how you could manage to spark. Your uryom blood should make it incredibly hard for you to get magic at all, but…” Jerry shrugged. His arm was broken, a hasty sling constructed. “It’s the kind of improbable thing that could still happen.” The stocky immortal stood before Tedd, Ellen and Grace, all reclining on the bank by a vast waterfall. The vista before them was definitively not something you could see on Earth – the floating whale-like things and three moons were kind of a dead giveaway. Really, it looked more like the sort of thing you might see in a Magic Eye painting.

“So how screwed are we?” Ellen mopped her forehead with a bit of her sleeve that she’d torn off. The gash was shallow, but it bled profusely. At least the flow was slowing now…

“Eh, scale of one to ten… like a four. Whichever of you is the `walker, you don’t know how to use mana properly, you have no real spells, but I know this plane. This part isn’t as bad as most out there. We should be able to get you some basic training, track down the others.” He wobbled as he got to his feet, brushing his pants out. Grace poked at her split lip – her quick healing was kicking in, thankfully.

“Do you think everyone’s okay?”

“...You held you own against an Eldrazi vestige. That says a lot. I think they’ll be okay.”

“A what what?”

“Eh… lemme put it this way. Eldrazi eat worlds. They eat gods. And they use the base elements from breaking them down to make new worlds. You didn’t beat one, but you beat the echo from where one had been.”

“...Evocative. Doesn’t make a lick of sense, but evocative.” Ellen mused.

“In time it might.” He checked his watch – or the wrist where a watch should be – and scowled a little. “Hopefully not. Once a lifetime is enough to see those damn things. Still no damn idea what it was doing in Pandora’s dam...”

“What’s wrong?” Grace’s head tilted to the side.

“Hopefully nothing. In any case, I can’t cast anything at the moment, and I’m guessing you all feel as crap as I do. I mean, mana burn sucks at the best of times. So our best move is to park it here, get a shelter built, and spend a couple days recuperating. Then we can head down to the villages, figure out who sparked and carried us along in the wake, get you a crash course in mana manipulation, and get outta here.” Tedd reached over and squeezed Grace’s hand. The uryom hybrid mimicked the motion, and they both shared a worried glance. They were alive, against all odds. The others… they’d be okay. Right?

-o-

“You have no idea what trouble you just jumped into.” The man hissed, the sound oddly reminiscent of the steam escaping from the brassy cylinder across his back.

“Nope. We sure don’t.” Elliot concurred, leaning heavily on Nanase – he was in much sorrier shape than he was. Ashley was doing fine, but Justin insisted on carrying her.

“Four – FOUR – freshly-sparked `walkers come in to THIS plane, of all places – if Niv Mizzet finds out, he’s going to tear you apart to get your sparks.”

“Za?” Elliot squinted. “That… sounds...”

“Steam-loving science dragon. We’re on Ravnica.” Justin’s expression was wide-eyed, but blank – utter shock.

“Uh...” Ashley started to mumble something, only for the man to stop short. The alley suddenly seemed much narrower.

“How do you know that?” He whispered.

“Well, obviously we’ve got planeswalkers in our world.” A shit-eating grin started to spread across Justin’s face. “Tell you what – you get us to safety… actual safety… and I’ll show you exactly how I know.” Justin beamed. “...to say nothing of how I know about the true origins of your Living Guildpact, Mister Zarak.” All eyes focused on him for a moment. The man stuttered – then gestured on.

“You’re firk-ding-blast lucky I’d be hanging myself if I let Mizzet get you.” He grumbled. Down a staircase they went, and another, before leading them out over a catwalk that traversed a massive aqueduct – and all paused to stare. Elliot’s jaw dropped.

“Are… are we in… Magic New York?” The skyscrapers arched off in every direction – as far as the eye could see, there was nothing but city, cut-stone canyons and spires on a scale undreamt of in most places. Justin just shook his head.

“Ravnica. It’s worse… the whole world’s covered by city. By one city.”

“What.”

“Trust me… that’s the least worrying thing about this.”  
-o-

There was a radius of obliteration around her. Sarah was panting, bleeding from a few shallow scrapes, but mostly untouched. Susan, Diane, Box – er – Pandora… they were all okay. But the goblins? Nineteen had fallen so far, the bodies and gore from their shattered forms surrounding her. She understood more of what they were saying now, but it still made no sense – like they were throwing verbs and nouns at the wall and trying to see what stuck. A chant started to go up from the watching goblins. A name?

Kraag!

Kraag!

Kraag!

She stiffened when she saw him. Seven feet tall, though his legs were no larger than the rest of his kin, walking forward on gorilla-like arms, his head shrunken and withered. Some horrendous mutation of goblinhood. It approached. She did not budge. The goblin leaned in, sniffed at her… and roared. Right in her face. A throaty, wordless bellow of fury. And then it grinned.

To her eternal credit, Sarah did not flinch.

She furrowed her brow. Straightened as much as her numb legs would allow. Inhaled. And roared right back.

Susan was unsure of how she was not deaf. Her ears rang. The landscape shook. The goblin was not bowled over – it was blown away, its chest imploding from the sonic force. Bits of bone and gore sprayed out its back, and Sarah panted for breath.

“WHO ELSE THINKS THEY’RE HARD ENOUGH?!” She screamed. They ran. Lack of language or not, they would understand that. Box was at her side – she leaned against her without thinking.

“How… Sarah, you’re in no shape… none of us are.”

“I’m that metal. Yo.” She threw up the horns, wobbling back and forth – then collapsed. The immortal dragged her back, ignoring the agony from her cracked ribs. Susan and Diane helped offload her as much as they could.

All was silent for several minutes.

“We should move. When the sun rises.” Susan whispered. Pandora shook her head.

“No need.”

“But…” Diane gestured at the carnage next to them. “Do you really think they won’t come back?”

“They won’t. Just feel.”

“Feel… what?”

“Feel.” Pandora repeated. “The air. You can feel it, can’t you? This place… she fought for it. She claimed it. It’s hers now.” And the moment she said it, it was so. In a way none there could explain in any more cogent way.

Sarah was the one. She was a planeswalker. And she’d claimed her first land. How could they not see it as their sanctuary?

Deserted Temple  
Land  
Tap: Add 1 to your mana pool  
1, Tap: Untap target land.

Makeshift Cudgel - 1  
Artifact – Equipment  
Equipped creature gains +1/+0. If equipped creature has power less than 3, it gains First Strike.  
Equip – 1

Defiant Roar – 5  
Instant  
Deal damage to target creature equal to its power. Play this spell only if you control no creatures with power 4 or greater.  
“WHO ELSE THINKS THEY’RE HARD ENOUGH?!”  
-Sarah Brown


	2. Untap and Upkeep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our heroes get their bearings.

Day two.

Two? Was it two?

Sarah stirred and sat upright. She rubbed her arms. They were still sore. Looking down, she was not surprised to find bruises. There were fewer, however. Visibly fewer. Diane scruffed her hair.

"The mighty wizard awakens."

"Wizards don't bludgeon goblins. They blast them with lightning."

"Pretty sure at least one prefers a - what, axe handle? I'm going with axe handle - to a wand. And you screamed one to death, that has to count for something."

"That was my metal scream. Everything dies to my metal scream." The deadpan was strong with her. "It's just the power of rock. To quote a wise man, that shit happens to me all the time."

"Jack Black isn't the first one I'd consider for that description."

"Eh." She rubbed her forehead. "How are we... THIS much better again? You're walking. You weren't walking before."

"From what your crazy immortal buddy there says, mana burn is serious, but it heals quick, and she was able to help us along a little." She sat down, offering her a... bucket. A dented tin bucket. Sarah's brow knit. Diane offered again. She took it, and - oh, water. Duh. She drank deeply. "There you go. Better?"

"Much. So I guess... we're... not in any danger here? I mean, you're not screaming at me that we need to run, so..." She looked around slowly. Susan and Box... Pandora?... were nowhere to be found. Diane shrugged.

"That's what she says. I don't buy it. Even if this is officially your turf, there's got to be something that COULD hurt us here. We just need to keep our eyes open."

"Officially..." Sarah waved a hand vaguely.

"Oh. Right. So - you're definitely a Planeswalker, from what she says."

"Got that, yeah." She had played the game and paid attention to some of the lore. That also meant that her awakening - her 'spark igniting' - was why they'd been pulled to another world. It was weird that it had drawn more people than just her, but a card game couldn't have every fine detail in it, could it?

"So that means you draw magic energy from the land."

"Mana, right." The basics were right, at least. She was still foggy on how they were flooded with mana - when the dam broke, it was supposed to DRAIN mana from their world into the other. Clearly something was awry there.

"You fought for this place, and you won, so... yeah, it's yours."

"Huh. O...kay." She did feel oddly... at home there. Freaky as that was. "And if we get attacked again?" Sarah rubbed her arm. Diane shrugged, her expression carefully blank.

"Then you scream them to death again?"

"Woo." She threw up the horns listlessly. "No pressure, then."

"Hey, c'mon. I've got... some kind of punchy magic or something, and Susan has her hammers. We'll be fine."

"...we can hope." Diane had no idea how to use her magic, if she still had any after the mana flood, Susan was probably burnt out... yeah, it wasn't looking great.

-o-

_Not our blood._

_But the signs... the face..._

_Uncanny. Still not our blood._

_Nothing to protect here._

_Stop caring so much._

"How's your leg holding up?" Pandora ignored the mutterings in the back of her head. It was getting easier to do so.

"Brilliantly." Susan lied. It was aching. Badly. But it supported her weight and she could move without too much trouble, so long as she didn't try to run. The most she could manage was a forced meander. The sandstone made soft crunchy noises under her sneakers, in between deep pffs of rubber against fine, drifting sand. "What are we looking for, anyway?"

"I'm still pretty burnt out, minor regenerations aside. But... I'm almost positive I could feel something out here. An empty mana signature."

"A... huh?"

"Basically... something made with magic, but without any magic energy used." Susan squinted.

"How does that work? If you use magic, aren't you... innately... expending energy?"

"Most of the time. There are cheats to work around some of that, though. And there are some designs that are efficient enough that to a trained mage, they... they're nothing but a thought." She stopped short. The sand was deeper there. "It's here."

"Where?"

"A few feet down. We'll have to start digging."

"...with our hands?"

"In this sand, that's all we'll need. If I'm right, then by nightfall we should have our way out of this place." She grinned. And Susan was almost afraid to ask what her plan was.

She dug.

-o-

"Sweetie, I appreciate it, but you really don't need to do that." Grace nudged Tedd - who looked as if he was going to fall over the moment she did. She couldn't help looping a hand around him, as he stubbornly dragged the log along.

"You did all the work getting the lean-to built, this is the least I can do."

"You're still burnt out. And if that bruise on your hip is as bad as it looks, you shouldn't be walking, let alone dragging this back for... whatever you're doing this for."

"Something to sit on by the fire." He mumbled. "It's not much, but it beats sitting in the dirt."

"That's... fair, I guess. You sure you don't want a hand?"

"We're practically there..." He winced a little, dropping it and twisting one hand so that it rolled as it hit ground, falling more or less where it'd be wanted. Ellen sat half upright, opening one eye.

"Well. The conquering lugger returns."

"Found a good one, yeah." Tedd panted. Why was he so winded? He was a little bit... noodle armed, maybe, but...

"Fine. You done knocking yourself out? Jerry found some good stuff." She held a fruit of some sort up - green-skinned and oblong, vaguely like a papaya. Tedd shrugged and nodded, and was quickly tossed one. He didn't say anything as he sat down on the fruit of his labor, and Grace plopped next to him, but it was pretty clear that something was bothering him. He peeled back the skin as best as he could with his thumbs, and when that didn't do much, he just bit in, scraped the flesh off the underside of the skin with his teeth, and then spat it out. A much better way to start it off. Efficient. Manly. Kind of stupid - the skin was bitter, even if the flesh was pleasantly sour. And... very... blue. Hm.

"Where did he go, anyway?" Grace finally asked.

"He said he was going to get the lay of the land." Ellen stretched, wincing a little and rubbing her shoulder. Yeah, her deltoid was still twitching like a gerbil after a close contact with an electrical fence. Not great. "So now that he's gone, I can finally ask..." Tedd and Grace sat straighter upright. "You think the others are okay too, right?"

"Probably." Tedd averted his gaze. "I mean, they don't have Jerry with them, so that's not great, but... I think..."

"I think my gut's saying they're okay." Grace put in. Tedd nodded. Ellen frowned.

"So is mine. And that's really weird, because this is the exact kind of situation where I should be worried sick." Ellen's brow lowered. "That's what has me freaked out."

"Because you aren't an optimist?" Grace tilted her head to the side. Ellen nodded.

"I'm a minor league optimist, but I still worry about stuff when things get really strange. This qualifies, but I... just..." She shrugged. "I'm positive that it's all okay, and I have zero reason to say that."

"Hey, uh - you might want to put that thought away for a minute." Jerry's voice, behind them. All eyes turned to the underbrush.

"There you are!" Grace beamed. "How was the scouting?" She couldn't see him yet, but-

"Uh. Okay. Okay. Um - so we're not the only ones up here. The, uh... villages are closer than I remember. That's kinda good."

"And?" He cleared the tree-line - surrounded by warriors. All tall. All powerful. Tigers and bears, warped into the shapes of men, loinclothed and terrible, each with a slab of wood like a cricket bat, the edge lined with obsidian razors. His hands had been bound.

"And the bad news is... they... aren't crazy about border violation. Uh..."

-o-

He stared at the card.

Back at Justin.

At the card again.

The inn was fairly inviting. Warm, despite the lack of light as far down as it was. The innkeeper looked vaguely undead, but Ral assured them that (unlike some of his guildmates) he was surely among the living.

And in the common room of the inn, a planeswalker was staring at a Magic card.

"You're kidding."

"Nope." Justin leaned forward. "The game is incredibly popular, but most people just think it's a thing for kids to do on Friday nights. But from what you've said... every mechanic in the game is accurate, if simplified. We're awakened `walkers, and we're in one of the more dangerous planes out there."

"So no real worries, yeah." Ashley chimed, looking more grumpy than she sounded. At the least, they had all been patched up, healed by an elf who didn't ask questions - she'd taken one look at Ral, rolled her eyes, and gone to work.

"Well." Ral sighed. "...that does make things easier in some regards. Harder in others." A beat passed. "Can I keep this? It's a rather striking likeness."

"Consider it payment for whatever aid you're about to offer." Ral squinted at Justin again.

"Who said I was about to offer aid?"

"You're going to offer us some kind of help so that we don't blow our cover, then have us pull some kind of job for you or owe you a favor." Justin crossed his arms. "No offense, but you're pretty transparent."

"Crystalline, even." Nanase muttered.

"Dude, I can see through you, and I don't DO subterfuge!" Elliot put the cap on the statement - and then looked down at his drink. Seriously, what was in that? It was good. Too good.

"Okay, okay!" Ral's fists hit the table with a sharp CRACK - of discharging static. Ashley jumped back. The others seemed nonplussed. "So it's in ALL our interests if you stay under the radar..." He grit his teeth. "And I have a way for that to happen. You'll each be joining a guild as a minor functionary."

"...that's UNDER the radar?" Justin seemed less than happy. Ral just nodded.

"Hiding in plain sight. Your mana signatures won't be noticed, though... they are more... varied than I thought they'd be." He cleared his throat. "You'll be bunking in the Gateless quarter. A flophouse. I have a friend there that will cover for you. By day, you'll work for your guild. By night, you'll train under my tutelage, and hopefully by this time next month you'll be able to planeswalk without me holding your hand."

"...next MONTH?!" Nanase blurted. "Are you kidding me? We need to get home, we need to find out-"

"Nanase." Elliot squeezed her shoulder. "It's okay. Everyone's gonna be fine, you know that." She looked back at him, and nodded.

A month in this place. A month with this... weirdo. Could she really survive that?

-

The exchange was too rapid to process until several seconds afterwards.

Grace had changed. Horns, tails - her Omega form. She'd attacked. The animals had not been impressed. One extended a hand, and then -

Fog. Dense, clinging fog that blocked one's view of everything. Tedd could hear Grace grunting and kicking, and - then the fog cleared. She was panting on the ground. The felines were exactly where they'd been - she'd missed every one.

"Done yet?" One of them intoned, his voice a low rumble.

"I'm not going to let you hurt Jerry!" She replied, springing back to her feet. The bear rolled his eyes.

"We won't, if you don't keep pulling this kind of stunt." It wasn't the bear who spoke. Grace landed, her eyes widening. He was massive. Eight feet tall, easily, and broad. A slight pot belly. Gold fur that glistened in the sun, wrapped in armor of hide and steel - unarmed, but for a massive wine jug he was taking a pull from. He sighed. "...furless sorts aren't normally welcome in the jungle. You..." He gestured to Grace. "You aren't from around here, so we're sort of lumping you in for now."

"Hey. Hey." Ellen squinted. "That's needlessly racist."

"And yet, every time one of you humans barges in here, face first, there's a fight. And not one we start. Granted, you didn't bring any of your tin toys with you..." He crossed his arms. "We're sick of this war, we're sick of this-"

"War?!" Jerry interrupted. "Wait, last time I was here you-" He stopped short. "Okay, never mind, that was a long time ago." In a previous life. Best not to raise questions about that.

"Heh. It'd have to be if you don't know about the state of affairs, stranger." He chuckled. "But the rules is the rules. I'll have to ask you all to leave."

"...we're pretty beaten up." Tedd offered. "I mean, that's the only reason we're here right now. Just... waiting until we can walk out of here without stopping every ten yards to let the throbbing die down." The lion squinted. He took stock of the young man. Sniffed the air. Nodded. His expression softened, just a little.

"Then we'll understand if it takes you a few days to exit our territory."

"Hey, come on!" Ellen snapped - and something else snapped. And crunched. And suddenly, the attention of the animal-men wasn't on them.

"AMBUSH! To arms!"

"Ambush from wha-" Grace's words died out as the underbrush parted, and dozens of figures charged out. Silent, but for the snapping of branches and leaves beneath their pinprick-shaped steel feet. Broad. Unnatural. And metal. Metal mockeries of men, faces stoic and unmoving, approaching at a pace that she couldn't believe.

Grace didn't even think about it.

As the animal-men attacked, so did she.

-o-

"...what is that?" Diane stood up. She'd been laying out, catching a little nap. Sarah held a hand over her eyes, shading them from the glaring light of the setting sun. Something was coming in their direction. Airborne. Something with broad wings... wings that... flapped.

"Is... is that a DRAGON!?" She blurted, looking around. Her cudgel. Where was her cudgel!? It was a weird thing to be focused on - was she going to beat its head in? - but in her panicked state it was all she could think of. She grabbed it. Held it aloft in front of her. Diane barely noticed. She squinted, still staring at the flapping shape.

"It's not a dragon."

"...oh."

"I don't know what it is, but..." She squinted harder. It was hard to make out with the rising heat from the wastes around them... and then she heard something. Whooping. Cheering. And as it drew closer - and closer - she could see it. Metal. And leathery wings. It was something like a glider, but far more elaborate - and Susan was riding inside it. And so was Pandora, who looked like she was having the time of her life. The thing circled twice, wings flapping, and slowly settled down - and Susan finally released the controls. Sarah gawked, still clutching her length of wood.

"WHAT." She finally managed.

"You like?" Pandora stepped back, gesturing grandly. "We'll have to pack in, but these things were made to hold much more weight than just the four of us."

"I like." Diane confirmed. "...is it that easy to fly it?"

"If you've ever played a flight simulator, you can handle it in about two minutes." Susan confirmed. "It's idiotproof. Pretty hardy, too. I have no idea how long it was buried."

"Buried? You dug this up?" Susan nodded.

"It was trailing sand for the first few hundred yards, but we blew it all out by the time we got up to speed."

"And this-" Pandora patted the hull. "Is how we're going to get... wherever isn't here."

"...you still aren't sure where we are?" Sarah drooped.

"Not really. I thought I had this place down, but the more I see, the more I'm convinced this isn't a plane I've been to. Still... some things are almost universal, and if this plane has ornithopters, I'm sure I'll find recognizable bits of culture." She slid into one of the three seats, reclining. "Get in and strap yourself down. Susan... pick a direction, and keep going that way until we aren't surrounded by nothing."

-o-

Ornithopter - 0  
Artifact Creature - Thopter  
Flying  
0/2

Fog - G  
Instant  
Prevent all combat damage that would be dealt this turn.


	3. Draw

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pieces fall into place, and fall out of place.

They were terrible things. Some like men, some like insects, some like balls of hatred and buzzsaws. The animal-men barreled into their midst, smashing and tearing, the sound of rending metal and tearing flesh terrifying. And amid the warriors, alongside the lion who had been threatening to throw them out on their collective ears earlier, Grace fought. 

It was not an easy thing. She could heft one and throw it into another, and by the time she was done with the follow-through, another would be upon her. 

One of the constructs - a dodecahedron studded with cutting implements at every point - rolled towards the campsite. Tedd squawked, trying to pull Ellen out of the way, who promptly tried to do the same to him - only for Jerry to step in, punching it. Amazingly, the twenty-foot-tall d20 of destruction was knocked back a good ten feet - far enough for one of the bear-men to get at it, rending the outside open with its macahuitl so it could get to its innards. Jerry squinted at the thing - and then buckled over, rubbing his hand. Nope. That hadn't felt good. THAAAAT was broken again. Yep. Bad move. Really bad move. 

The attack pressed on.

The machines could not advance. Nor would they retreat. 

Grace was amazed. It was so... easy to fight like this. She wasn't worried about hurting anyone. She was worried about them getting hurt if she didn't fight full-out. Doubly so since Tedd was huddled back behind a tree, staring at everything as if entranced, Ellen clutching his shoulders, barely able to hold back her own anger.

She took a barbed blade to the shoulder. Tried to pull it out - only to buckle over in pain. Okay, so THAT'S what the barbs were for... ow ow ow dick move ow ow ow - 

The machine, something horrible and vaguely man-like, towered over her. It raised a fist like a hammer...

It was struck down.

The animal-men started to roar in triumph - the battle had been joined. Six dozen black shapes, descending from the sky with a roar of wings like an oncoming train. They fell like missiles, impacting with a noise that was FELT as much as it was heard. Grace staggered to her feet to thank her savior, only to realize three things at once.

The first was that the thing that had saved her did not look... alive. It was. She could see the blood pulsing through the veins of its leathery black skin, its fur barely there except for about its forearms and back. The black-feathered wings were broad and powerful, the body not human - but more like a gorilla. It considered her with gold-flecked eyes, and said nothing, as Grace mumbled "What are you...?" 

-o-

"How are you holding up?"

"I'm good for another hour or so." Susan glanced back at her sister (?). Pandora had nodded off, telling them to kick her a couple times if she slept for more than 18 hours, and Sarah was still exhausted from the initial fight. Susan wasn't entirely sure if she was being serious, but she opted to take it at face value. Diane nodded, sliding into the seat beside her sister from the little cargo bed where she'd been resting. 

"Any signs of civilization?"

"Amazingly, yes. Single cabins, mostly. I've been looking for something less... isolated. The last thing we need is a superstitious trapper who decides that he needs to hunt us." 

"Hm." She squinted. Rocky outcroppings, a few scattered mesas covered in scrubby oaks. Lots of wooded areas. "Mountains and forest ahead." 

"We've had some trees since the desert thinned out..."

"But that means if anyone wants to take us out of the air, we're in prime territory for it to happen." Susan's eyes widened. Forest and mountains meant green and red mana. Fireballs and spells that could rust through an artifact like their ornithopter in instants - if the archetypes from the game held true...

"I think that's a village ahead. Shall we set down there?"

"...yeah. Hey, yeah, look at that. Hey! Sarah, Pandora... we've got a landing site." Diane shaded her eyes, squinting. The cabins were half-hidden, but there was definitely a town hall, two stories and long, and a few other larger buildings - including, as they approached, a treehouse of sorts that had been molded into the wood of a huge elm. Elves, perhaps, she thought. The ornithopter swooped low and stalled, its wings flapping more rapidly as it slowed, hovered, and settled down. The sleepy immortal grumbled to her feet, Sarah helping her up, as the landing gear CLACKed out, the four feet probing the grassy earth and finding it solid enough. 

So they were there. They were safe. No one was attacking. She glanced up. It looked like there were a lot of townsfolk approaching, mostly human, some with... dog ears? Weird. Armed, but not brandishing arms. She could deal with that. 

"So..." Sarah cleared her throat. "...what are the odds the locals won't be able to talk to us?"

"Nil." Pandora smirked, scruffing Sarah's hair. "We have a `walker with us. Whether you know it or not, you're already acclimating us to the local language. We'll be able to read it, too." Sarah grinned. Suddenly, a trip to France, Macau, Japan... they were all THAT much more feasible. And she felt a little weird that she was in another plane of existence and planning that. 

The quartet descended from the little mythril air-jalopy, Sarah clearing her throat. "Sorry if we disturbed you! We, uh... we're just travelers, looking for a quiet place to spend the night. We-"

"Travelers." Susan's voice cut through the murmurs, unbelieving. Sarah turned to her friend.

"Uh, yeah. What would you call it?" Susan didn't seem annoyed as the voice would have suggested. She looked wide-eyed and... surprised... and... "Uh..."

"That wasn't me." Susan croaked. She pointed in the other direction, as the crowd parted... and Susan approached.

Another Susan.

A Susan with wolf ears, fuzzy hands, and a rather wicked looking sword next to her.

Sarah gawked. Pointed. The other Susan raised her blade - pointing it straight at Pandora.

"I warn you, Fae. We have no use of your doppelgangers and trickery here. If you don't take your fetches and leave-"

"You're welcome to lob disenchantments at us. They are no fetches." Pandora smirked. "I'd explain the fine details, but I think they'd go over your head."

"Try me." Wolf-Susan growled, a low and terrifying sound from deep in her throat. Sarah stepped back a bit - only to gawk even harder at the next figure who cut through the crowd. Tall. Busty. Wearing a floppy, pointed, broad-brimmed hat in blue. A staff at her side. Robes. It was... it was exactly what she'd always pictured in her head.

It was The Wizard Sarah. 

 

-o-

"HOLD THE LINE!" Nanase slammed down the tower shield in front of her, cudgel at the ready. She was getting used to being a Wojek in short order. Her second day on the job, though, and she was dealing with a small riot outside a Selesnya conclave. 

She could feel rocks and other refuse pelting the shields. Small things. No molotovs, nothing with real punch. They seemed frustrated, not homicidal. They just needed to wait, and - and someone was whistling. Elliot?! She gawked back at the single Conclave representative that was approaching... with huge... damn HUGE bags of something on his back. Right. Low profile. Hauling THAT much was a low profile...

"ALRIGHT!" Elliot shouted. "Sorry for the wait! We have enough food for everyone out here. I understand your frustration with the wait, but we had to make sure that we had enough picked for seed to keep the gardens working... and that took longer than usual because this batch has fewer seeds than we're used to." The shields parted, the crowd calmed - and all but swarmed Elliot as he started distributing the bags, still smiling. Nanase wiped her brow. Well. He seemed a natural fit for the Selesnya. What was it Ashley had said he'd told her on the first date... "Everyone deserves to get funky on the dance floor", something like that? Elliot threw her a wink. She nodded back at him, then turned her attention to the massive, armored minotaur that was coming up behind her.

"Wojek `Nase." 

"Yessir?"

"Solid work so far, rookie. I was sure you'd start busting heads when they started throwing insults."

"I don't consider most of what they were saying to be much of an insult, to be frank." The bull-man - she couldn't pronounce his name, everyone just called him Orr - snorted, eyebrows high.

"Damn. Most of the new recruits have a short fuse when it comes to racial slurs." Racial slurs? She played them back through her head, wondering which ones counted as that. That was the one problem with the translation - she could tell what words meant in the language they were speaking, but idioms were another thing. 

"Idiots are going to be idiots, sir."

"...speaking of." The minotaur glanced back over her shoulder. Raised his shield. His voice was loud, but weary. More a declaration of 'oh, this sucks' than anything else. "Wojeks, at the ready." Nanase groaned. She turned, prepping her shield - but everything looked calm. Elliot was giving out veggie bags to the last few straggling gateless, there was a general calm that was starting to settle over the front of the Conclave - 

And then she saw it.

At the end of the street, rumbling closer with steps like cars smashing into pavement. Or, more aptly, like pavement mashing into pavement. It looked like someone had taken a run down tenement and brought it to life, the building tearing itself up into the general shape of something bipedal. And beneath the rumbling slum, a few dozen jeering barbarians, both human and ogre and goblin, all hoisting clubs and torches, charging for the gate. 

The gateless, guildless masses scattered. Elliot wondered what had caused this - but anyone who was a native knew.

You don't have a riot without the Gruul getting involved.

-o-

Scrap lay in every direction. The forest had seen better days, but it had seen far worse. They were victorious. The animal-men let out a triumphant cheer/roar/deafening cry of defiance, as Grace swept Ellen and Tedd into a massive hug. She hurt. All over. She still had a shard of general nastiness to remove from her shoulder. But she was safe... and so were they. Ellen squeezed both back as tight as she could manage, Jerry patting her shoulder. They did good. Kept their heads. Maybe... just maybe they wouldn't be kicked out of the forest so abruptly. 

One of the ape-things sauntered closer on feet and knuckles, leaning close to Tedd. He snorted, nodded a few times... then plodded back over to the Lion, who was taking a pull off that wine jug at his side. A few grunts. The Lion replied in kind. The ape nodded, and at once, the whole flight of them was taking to the air again. 

"...okay." Ellen muttered. "So... what was all that about?"

"An ally who we don't like to think of as an ally." The Lion grumbled. "But it's getting harder to remain neutral. At least she understands us..." He grimaced. The jug was empty. Tossed it aside, frustrated. "Fine. Fine. You humans won't be satisfied until your little war is over... we'll go and talk with the Witch."

"Hey..." Jerry raised his hands, one swollen and purple. "We don't want a WAR here. We're just trying to stay on the sidelines, same as you! Really!" 

"Unfortunately..." He placed a hand on Grace's shoulder. Twisted. Pulled. She let out a silent scream, tears welling in her eyes, as the barbed thing exited her, along with a rivulet of blood - only for him to cup a hand over the wound. When it was removed, it was healed. "We don't have that option anymore. You just fought the Tin Men. The Wizard will know your face now."

"Well...." Jerry's response was unprintable, both for reasons of obscenity and sounds that lack a proper phonemic transliteration. As he ranted, Tedd stepped forward, squinting.

"Wait, we've got a wizard, a witch, tin men, a lion... are we going to bump into munchkins and a scarecrow somewhere?"

"What on Aahz are you talking about?!" The Lion grumbled. 

Grace was confused. Tedd's face sank into his hands. Ellen's laughter could be heard for miles. 

-o-

She squeezed Wolf-Susan's shoulder. The shapeshifter glanced up at her. Wizard-Sarah shook her head. Wolf-Susan raised an eyebrow. Gestured to them with both hands. Wizard-Sarah shrugged haplessly, and gestured... something... spinning? Wolf-Susan slapped her forehead. 

"I think I almost followed that." Diane muttered aloud, squinting at the pair. "So I'm guessing we don't have to use veiled terminology with you two, then?"

"If you are what I think you are, I'll get it." Wizard-Sarah nodded. "Though I have to admit, this is the first time I've met an isomer of myself. It's kind of..."

"Trippy?" Sarah ventured, before realizing that they probably didn't have 1970s terminology here- wait, they had terms that she just barely recognized from chemistry class, so-

"Yeah! Exactly!" Oh. Wait. She was speaking THEIR language. She hadn't even realized it, but she'd automatically used a term that was analogous - and she UNDERSTOOD the way it was analogous. An elven term, even. Wolf-Susan sheathed her sword, still grumbling.

"...fine. We'll talk this out over mead. But don't blame me for Crim's reaction when she finds out about this." And the warrior stalked off to the hall, as Wizard-Sarah clapped her hands twice.

"Alright! Don't sweat it, people. They're us from another world. Weird, sure, but we can deal with this. Go about your business!" There was a faint murmur through the crowd, but they dispersed. For a few long moments, nothing happened; when she was one hundred percent sure that everything was calm, the wizard sighed and slumped a little. "`Kay, we're gonna go get a drink right about now, and you can tell us everything." 

"Right. So - Sarah, right? I think we're going to need some ways to distinguish ourselves..."

"Sara. Slightly different pronunciation." The wizard smirked. "So, your faerie friend there decided to take you on a tour of some other worlds... I guess you or Not-Su there are apprenticing with her?"

"Sarah is my apprentice, yes. I've also taken Susan and Diane under my wing." Pandora crossed her arms behind her, squinting suspiciously at a young man who was a dead-ringer for Justin... a young man who was eagerly suckling the blood from a raw steak. "...vampires and werewolves. Interesting town you've got here."

"They're reforming." Sarah mumbled. "Agreed to protect the forest, right?"

"Uh... yeah. I guess there's something similar going on in your world."

"Not... really. But I mean-" What happened next was almost too quick to process. There was a hiss. Something grabbed onto her from behind. She felt something grazing her neck. Susan screamed "SARAH" on top of her lungs, and in the next second her arm lashed out, and it was filled with steel, and something EXPLODED - 

And then all was still as the Wizard Sara stood between them, hands extended, everything glowing blue, everyone sort of floating in place.

Susan was holding a sword. One that glowed. One that Sarah had never seen before. The steel was almost black, the edge serrated and kind of ridiculously dangerous looking. And more to the point, she'd also summoned the fairy dolls - who all looked perturbed. Sarah was floating as well. And the one who had grabbed her neck...

It was her.

Vampire-her. The busty, corset-wearing embodiment of her Id that had floated through her mind briefly. And she was pouting.

"Saraaaaaa~" She whined.

"No."

"But I'm thirsty!"

Doppelgangers. Fae. VAMPIRE doppelgangers. Wizards. Other versions of HER... Sarah's brain promptly beat a hasty retreat into stymied oblivion. The meadhall was starting to sound reeeeeal good.

-o-

Justin dumped the pile of papers on the desk. "Reports from the underlings in Sector 7-G." 

"Bottom line it for me." Ral grumbled, tightening a bolt on some new project of his own creation. It looked... okay, it looked like a lumpy amalgamation of brass and glowy glass bits. Ninety-five percent of everything the Izzet made looked like lumpy amalgamations of brass and glass glowy bits. SOME of them looked more elegant, some of them looked utterly incomprehensible, and about 10% of them looked like they could be espresso makers.

None of them were espresso makers. Not. One.

"Everything worked for twelve seconds, then everything blew up."

"Did they save the pieces?"

"Probably."

"Ah. Good, good." Justin felt his eye twitch.

"No reports on casualties, of course..."

"Ah, didn't lose any of the project leads, then. Even better." The eye twitched again.

"And no word on if any of the actual workers on the project survived..."

"Goblins." Ral shrugged haplessly. "All neophytes. We can replace them tomorrow." 

"Are you... seriously saying that an explosion that probably killed a few dozen guild members meant nothing to you?" Ral set the driver down, leaning forward on his workbench.

"It means exactly five things to me. One, I need to replace the dead. Two, Sector 7-G is five percent closer to the end of its operating budget for the quarter." 

"Five percent-"

"THREE, the project leads are still overoptimistic about tensile strength. Four, that means we're going to be waiting for results for another eight weeks, minimum. And five, that means that 7-G is hopelessly behind target and will need extra motivation to produce the results we need. They're officially on crunch time as soon as they're done rebuilding." He sipped a cup of some disgusting looking yellow fluid that had been sitting on his desk all day. Justin closed his eyes. Took a deep breath. "Stowing your righteous indignation, Tokiberry? Good. Now what else did you have to report?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing...?"

"There's no one else in here. I'm not sticking to protocol." He'd be damned if he referred to Ral as 'sir'. 

"Hm." Ral squinted. Sipped. Said nothing else. "Well, in that case-" He ducked as a capsule shot out of a vacuum tube embedded in the wall, nearly smacking him in the head; his hand went up and caught it before it could crash into the ground, or into one of the varied assemblies of beakers and condensers that lay about. Justin was about to ask how he'd done that - but the answer was obvious. He'd heard it coming. The tube probably never stopped the capsules properly. Ral frowned as he read over the missive - then tossed the capsule aside. "Issues."

"Oh? You don't say?" Justin followed, wondering what was more important than-

Oh. Oh, no.

"Gruul riot where your little boyfriend is posted. Three guesses as to who's getting called in to deal with it."

"...us?"

"Don't be daft. Your OTHER friends."

"Oh. Oh, no."

"Oh, yes. And that means we're going to make sure they don't get chewed up and spat out..." Justin's stomach turned. Elliot could handle himself. Ashley... she wouldn't be on the frontlines. But Nanase... she'd be right there. And with her temper...

He began running. Faster than he had ever run in his life. And the gate did not stop him. He barely... barely... registered Ral's shout of confusion as he took off. 

-o-

 

Vampiric Doppelganger - URB  
Creature - Shapeshifter  
You may have Vampiric Doppelganger enter the battlefield as a copy of any creature on the battlefield, except it is a Vampire in addition to its other types, and gains "When this creature deals combat damage to a creature, you may put a +1/+1 counter on it."   
0/0


End file.
